Early Dialogue: Bringing kids into the discussion
/We have always had an open-door policy in our house when it comes to tough topics as well as the notion that when children ask, they are ready for an honest discussion. It is my personal belief that we should all be encouraging conversations with children and youth about mental health. Not only to create a safe space for them but to reduce the stigma behind it, regardless of whether it is prevalent in your family or not. We also now have more research linking early intervention with prevention and promotion in the field of mental health (World Health Organization, 2004). Similar to the ‘birds and the bees’ discussion that is no longer had upon reaching adolescence, and is commonly brought into discussion in earlier stages throughout childhood, it is important that mental health works its way in as well. However, not all children will propose a topic like mental health on their own because there is no opportunity for it to come up organically. For those of us who may struggle with starting this discussion, here are some tips for both young and old, to begin a healthy path to understanding and acceptance within your family and society as a whole.
1. Encourage Emotional Intelligence Early
Understanding emotions and how to communicate them in a healthy way is important when it comes to mental health. (Faber & Mazlish, 2013) With younger children, using flashcards or playing games based on emotional understanding is a great way to help children not only learn how to label their emotions but become comfortable with expressing them. In the reference section below I have provided a link to some free printables from Printablee.com. There are also so many great books for kids that discuss emotions and feelings and is a fun simple way to incorporate emotional literacy into everyday life. Try searching through your local library for a fit that is best for your child’s age and reading level. Here are my top 3 favorite’s:
The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
Cool Down and Work Through Anger by Cheri J. Meiners, M.Ed.
Understanding Myself by Mary C. Lamia, PhD
For older children, again encouraging labels for their emotions and modeling the same use in your own dialogue. Another option is to encourage writing as a creative way to provide thought-provoking mental health questions. Journal Buddies offers a plethora of journal prompts for all ages and I provided a link in the reference section. Consider printing them out and placing them in a jar. Each day, week, or whenever your schedule allows, have your tween or teen pick a prompt and spend some time free writing (or you each choose one and each have your own notebook!). Journal entries do not need to be shared but promote time to reflect on personal feelings and create a safe space to do so.
2. Let Your Child Lead the Discussion.
Encouraging children to express how they observe mental health, with no right or wrong answers, allows them to feel safe and respected: An important baseline for an important topic. Using prompts to either start the conversation or to encourage it, let them guide the conversation and see where they take you. Children have such a unique way of looking at things. If we can slow down and listen instead of feeling the need to constantly be in the driver’s seat, we might be surprised by their perspective. Again, remembering the main point is to create a safe environment for conversation to flow somewhat naturally.
3. Don't Panic!
I speak from experience on this one. Last year, when my oldest daughter was having some mood changes, it was hard not to panic when I heard the words “ I just feel sad”. It is hard to hear as a mom and from someone who knows what depression feels like, the swing into panic mode happens instantaneously. It is important to remember that just because your child is experiencing or expressing mood changes or asking questions about mental health, it does not mean you need to go into full-blown protective mamma (or papa) mode. It is, however, important to listen and pay attention to any changes in behavior.
4. It’s ok to Not be an Expert
Sometimes as parents we want to have all the answers for our kids. I remember reading a book long ago that said, “If your child asks you a question, never say that you don't know”, claiming that you should offer an answer, regardless of its accuracy, or they would not come to you for help in the future. To that I say… Well, I want to say a lot of things, but today I will just say that I disagree. Instead of offering (or pretending to have) all the answers, be honest. Let them know you're not sure, offer to do some research on the topic, or better yet engage in research together. When in doubt, collaborate with a professional if you're not sure where to look or would like some additional support.
Mental health can be a difficult discussion for many individuals. Keep in mind that just by considering a discussion about it says you are on the right track and I hope that some of the options provided help you to get started. Just remember, It’s ok to not have all the answers. It’s ok to need help from others sometimes. And my goodness, it’s ok to not be perfect.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” - Brenè Brown
Written by:
Jessica Predy
My name is Jessica and I am a mom of two amazing children that are constantly teaching me new things. I am currently continuing my education in recreation therapy and enjoy all of the ups and downs that come with going back to school as an adult. It has encouraged me to pursue my passions, such as writing, and provided me with the confidence I need to do so. I am somewhat of a bibliophile and love to share what I discover with others. If I'm not busy ‘mom-ing’ or ‘school-ing’ you can typically find me immersed in one of the few books I have on the go, doing yoga or planning all my future vacations for the next ten years.
References
Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. (2013). How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. Picadilly.
Printablee (2021). Preschool Printables Emotions Feelings. 5 Best Preschool Printables Emotions Feelings - printablee.com
Journal Buddies (2021). 30 Mental Health Writing Ideas. 30 Mental Health Awareness Writing Ideas • JournalBuddies.com
